By Thom S. Rainer
I have the opportunity to be in many churches. In that regard, I am observer of people. When I enter a worship service, I do a quick scan of those attending. And almost every time I look to the congregation, I notice one clear reality: the majority in attendance are women.
It is for that reason that volumes have been written the past couple of decades about getting more men to attend church. In this brief article, however, I want to look from a different perspective. I want to understand the motivations for women who leave the church. My process was simple; I quickly reviewed thousands of comments on my blog. Many times, I read a comment where a woman told me she had given up on a church. Here are the six most common themes:
- Overworked. “I had trouble saying no when I was asked to do something in the church. The leaders piled so much on me that the only way I could get relief was to leave the church.”
- Not valued. “I really don’t think the leaders in our church value women. Our roles and opportunities are very limited. I am frustrated. I hope I can find a church where my gifts are appreciated.”
- Relationally hurt. “There was a group of ladies in our church that did everything together. When I tried to join them, they paid me no attention. I don’t want to be in a church of cliques.”
- Lack of quality childcare. “The preaching was great and the people were friendly, but the childcare was a mess. It was both unclean and unsafe. I’m not taking my child there.”
- Busyness. “I work full-time. I have four kids at home. I have so many responsibilities. It’s tough to give even more of my time to the church.”
- Husband does not attend. “It’s tough coming to church without my husband. I am totally responsible to get our three kids to church. And I really feel out of place because the church has groups for married adults and single adults. I don’t know where I fit.”
Church leaders: see these comments as opportunities for ministry rather than problems that can’t be solved.
How would you address these concerns? What is your church doing now? What more would you like your church to do?
This article originally appeared at ThomRainer.com and is used with permission.
Resource Guide for Women’s Ministry
Linda McGinn Waterman
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Most of those issues sound like more like leadership problems. The Leaders are not in tune with the times. But at the same time it is a membership problem as well … i.e. did the lady with the “quality childcare” issue talk to anyone (a committee person or not) about it, attend a business meeting and raise awareness for others who do not use the childcare anymore (which probably accounted for most of the members now). Leaving is often just another word for running away from taking on some form of personal responsibility. A message on what personal responsibility (beyond accounting for your sin before the Lord and asking forgiveness) is, in my opinion, a vital and necessity one in regard to church membership and it needs to be addressed often.
I take the leaving as a vote, either explicitly and/or implicitly, in disfavor to what the church is doing. If the church does make some changes, it will continue to decline. Maybe these women should have said something, but often they just go unheard. Sometimes they are, but often not.
The church that I was with until recently addressed the needs of our “without my husband” members and attenders, by altering how we talked about one of our our women’s Life Groups (designed for Bible study, fellowship, and service together) — the one known as the “Single Women’s” group. Whenever we talked about it, we made it clear that it was not just for women who have never been married and for women who are divorced or widowed. We were also clear that it’s for women who are “single in the faith” — who attend or are members of the church with their children (if any), but whose husbands either don’t share their faith or aren’t interested in being part of or attending a church. Before long, it became one of our strongest groups, and spawned 3 or 4 others in different parts of town and at different campuses.
I am a single mother of 2 grown children and have 3 grandchildren. I am also a pastor since 2009. I do volunteer work but some of the married women act like I am after their husbands and I am very careful not to be too friendly with men because of this. I hate being on eggshells at church. I love everyone and I am full of the spirit so it hurts to know that some feel like this. I just keep praying for their insecurities and show them my love. While ignoring their husbands as much as possible. Lol
Men have always been challenged by women. This meant men had better learn to adapt to the times by understanding the times we live in and guard his position in Christ and in the things of God as laid out in God’s Holy Word. There was a time when most women depended on men (Leaders of the home) to lead Bible Study in the home. Many men have abandoned that role resulting in women, eager to grow in the knowledge of the things of God are exposing themselves to advanced Bible Study. Hence the emergence of women in Church leadership roles. As a result women descrn weak messages from the pulpit and feel they are better prepared to present the Gospel. The mainline Churches are objecting this phenomenon. My understanding of God’s direction is that the current trend of women leadership in the Church is contrary to God’s order as set out 1 Corinthians 11:2-12 (NKJV)
2 Now I praise you, brethren, that you remember me in all things and keep the traditions just as I delivered them to you.
3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonors his head.
5 But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, for that is one and the same as if her head were shaved.
6 For if a woman is not covered, let her also be shorn. But if it is shameful for a woman to be shorn or shaved, let her be covered.
7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man.
8 For man is not from woman, but woman from man.
9 Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.
10 For this reason the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.
11 Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord.
12 For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NKJV)
16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,
17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
AMEN
Just as the men wrer given the responsibility to mind the affairs of the members that must continue to be their role. If thre are Churches that do not genuinely fulfil that role these women have a right to find a suitable Church. I do understand that no matter how some leaders bend over backward to care for the members there will always be those who can be satisfied. Many times there are other issues lurking that prayer, grace and patience can resolve